Little sex in dating relationships


28-Nov-2019 07:59

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Not that I don't like sex with them but not as much as I did when the relationship was new and exciting.

Very few if any couples manage to retain the original charge of new love and lust. One hopes that what takes its place is a comfortable love and sexual relationship that is richer than the original.

Your reply seems to presume that each partner equally loses "new love and lust" with time.

I would suggest the problem is that in many, if not most cases the problem is that one partner loses it more quickly than the other, or even that one partner actually has increased lust and love while the other has less.

All humans are sexual creatures and sexual expression takes many forms. The one who usually initiates stops doing so maybe because of frequent rejection, and the other, who certainly could initiate when ready, doesn’t. "I’m in love with/infatuated with someone else.” This does not necessarily preclude sex with one’s regular partner. I have counseled individuals and couples in both roles in the above situations – some with mutually acceptable outcomes, in some cases not.

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What if over time the mystery and lust just naturally go away? The longer I'm with someone and the more I get to know them, the less sexually attracted I become.The other school of thought is that “when you’re hot you’re hot and when you’re not you’re not” and nothing can change that.As a therapist I am of the opinion that one might learn to love and desire a long term partner in some way and it’s certainly worth a try, especially when there are children in the relationship. “We’re too old for sex” or “I can’t have intercourse any longer.” Mistaken beliefs such as an age cut off for sexual activity or that sex depends on erections and naturally lubricated vaginas eliminates much joy from an individual’s life. Some event like illness or a new baby will interrupt the couple’s normal sexual schedule, supposedly temporarily, but sexual relations just don’t resume.In any case, we look first for a physical cause which can often be improved upon. Is it really a loss of interest in sex itself (does he/she masturbate or fantasize, for instance) or is it a loss of interest in the partner? “My partner no longer turns me on.” This is a more difficult situation but not impossible.

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The complainer usually gives a “reason” such as the partner’s weight gain or unwillingness to engage in the type of sex s/he prefers.

It is not necessary to to consumate such a relationship if both partners want to be abstinent. I don't think anybody else would want me at this point, and that's why I stay.



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